Ann McMaster - Life as It Is

Faith/Fear Index

The Faith/Fear Index is conversely related - the higher the Faith Index, the lower the Fear Index, and vice versa. Yes, this is common knowledge, but I forget this from time to time. So this is a gentle reminder to myself (and perhaps to you) about the Faith Index.

In all my personal processing, when I look back over the trends, the main theme that jumps out is the opportunity to raise my Faith Index. But when I'm "in it" - it's not so clear. Only after I climb out of my self-created hole-of-fear, do I recognize that it was a test of my Faith - ultimately - always - in every case, so far.

It seems to me that I am being asked, regardless of the situation, to trust my heart of hearts, the fire in my belly, and/or my intuition:

To BE my Best Self (nothing to hide, nothing to prove),

To bring my Best Self into every relationship with every other Being (open to Their Being, clear about my own boundaries), and

To bring my Best Self into the sanctity of each moment, each opportunity to participate in the Big Picture (whatever that is - a family reunion, my workplace, my blog, my spirituality).

The litmus test of Faith is telling the truth as I see it in that moment, even if my knees are knocking, Knowing that I Don't Know, and trusting that somehow, some way, attaining the Truth will lead us all to the next step in our common evolution. That's the definition of the quintessential Spiritual Warrior - a truth-teller with a high Faith Index. I want to emulate that.

Fire in the Belly 3

During my 40s and 50s, I had Fire in my Belly to a much greater extent than ever before. I was conscious of it, counted on it, got used to it. My life mattered to me - Rebecca, my family and friends, being a Senior Trainer for the More To Life program, creating a consultancy with William Holt (TriVergent International), creating communities (Houston, Johannesburg, Denver), implementing an MTL coaching initiative in 4 countries, contributing to making our world inheritable for our children and our children's children, even filling up my passport - all of it mattered, and I considered it ALL a game worth playing. I was free - free to pursue 'my thing' - free to respond proactively to the Fire in my Belly.

Now in my late 60s, during those times when I'm not training, consulting, psychotherapy-ing, I sit in my home office, coaching people all over the world, sometimes never getting out of my pajamas (via skype, they only see my head and shirt). When I think of the current fire in my belly, it's less about specific goals to accomplish, and more about the quality of my being.

Am I BEING my best self?

Am I tuned in to those around me - connecting with the Real Person behind the mask?

Am I awake to all that is on offer in each moment and willing to bring my full presence into it?

I am working to combine the fire in my belly about those pursuits with the fire in my belly about being open to whatever happens - not being attached to any specific outcome. That ain't easy for someone inured to "making it happen." When I do manage to combine the two, my Faith Index goes up - more faith in myself, more faith in the ultimate good of humanity, and more faith that, really, All is Well in the world (even when it doesn't look like it, or maybe even, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't look like it.)

 

 

Fire in the Belly 2

I know exactly those times when I have had Fire in the Belly ... one of them being my determination to get my Master's degree. There was No Doubt that I was going to get that degree. As usual, there were obstacles: money, being a single mom of a 5-year-old, going to school double-time, working 2 part-time jobs. No obstacle was insurmountable.

When I have fire in my belly about something, I tend to go "laser" - not exactly a balanced life. I figured I could sustain that kind of intensity for a year. In retrospect, I wavered in and out of having fire in my belly and being fear-driven to make it happen. Failure was not an option, period.

During that year, I checked in with my advisor at least every other month, just to make sure there were no hidden blocks to getting that degree. (They may have graduated me just to keep "the pest" from bugging them.) I did nothing but work, study, take care of Rebecca's schedule. 

The degree was only a symbol for me - a symbol of freedom - freedom from working for someone else, freedom to have more of a quality life for me and Rebecca. I wanted more than just to eke out a living. I wasn't even sure what the "more" was, but the sheepskin was my ticket to it. I framed that intention as "taking responsibility" for the quality of our future.

At this point in my life, I know that that is possible without a degree. Too many people have had that fire in their belly and accomplished, without a degree, precisely what I accomplished with one. 

More to come.

 

 

 

 

 

Fire in the Belly

I'm talking about the fire of intentionality! Fire in the Belly! It provides meaning and purpose and gives us direction for our actions, including what we Stop action-ing. It is part of what makes living a vital experience, instead of something we hope to get through.

I was "talking" (emailing with) Mindy Guthrie a week or so ago about this very issue. She understood the term immediately and is in that part of her life where living out the social protocols has been accomplished, and in her case, Well Accomplished! She last had the experience of Fire in the Belly when she did the More To Life course, Living YES, last year. Putting the experience and frame for the experience together solidified something for her; it made it easier for her to focus the rest of her life through that lense. She was telling me that there were things she wanted to do that fueled the fire in her belly, and the limits she planned to implement on things that dimmed that fire. It's so very humbling and exciting to be around someone with fire in their belly. Thank you, Mindy!

And it's not about being a zealot, quite the opposite. A zealot has no room for differing opinions. Zealots tend to be 'against' something. 

Someone with fire in their belly is 'for' something - a mission to accomplish, willing to entertain the possibility of other opinions that might support accomplishing the goal. It is not egotistical at all. It's aimed at a bigger picture, usually very compelling. Martin Luther King and Dr. Brad Brown come to mind.

As a member of the US Board of Directors for the Kairos More To Life Foundation and as a member of the Houston Steering Committee for the same organization, I am surrounded by people with Fire in the Belly. It's easier to re-light the fire when surrounded by these people. (My fire has dimmed many times, usually when I was out of alignment with myself, sometimes because of ego-investment. Duh!)

The top left pic is Mindy Guthrie, the pic on the right is Mindy at Living Yes!

PS Houston is hosting "Lighting the Fire Within" in March 2012. Check it out. It's been 10 years or so since we last had this course in Houston. Call Mari for more info (713-838-1100).

 

 

 

Same Song, Second Verse

Yep ... another minor flood in my house. Same area. Different water source - this time the refrigerator. Exercise room and hallway carpets, both soaked!

My first thought: I wonder what I did to piss God off? I've been pretty good, considering God also bequeathed me with a reactive mind. I wallowed in my defeat-ism awhile, stoking it with further ammunition: State Farm's refusal to pay for any damage (never having had a claim in almost 30 years), having to eat the cost of round one AND round two (and right during Christmas), just getting my house back together from round one, and now THIS! Woe is me.

I was sitting at my desk, refining my already honed abilty to bemoan my fate, and glanced at a picture of Brad Brown (my mentor, now deceased). My head snapped up, and my next thought was:  What is the creative opportunity being offered to me on a silver platter? Then I remembered that, last August, I was talking to Diana Makens, my support partner, about re-doing my home, upgrading my aging (but still working) appliances, converting to wood flooring, adding an extension to my kitchen (and a hot tub, and some other things). Bill Boothe has even drawn up a plan for it all.

Three days, 2 carpet dryers and a dehumidifier later, my living room is jumbled with exercise equipment, my hallway and exercise room are dry, the baseboards are once more removed (lying in the living room), BUT I have a plan. I talked to my brother Tom, who's an expert on lots of things. He happened to have bought enough wood flooring to cover all my floors - extra flooring that he bought at fire sale prices and that he'd decided not to use himself. My brother-in-law, Steve is a retired teacher who happens to be an expert painter. It's all falling in line.

I'm re-doing my home! 

And like most things that get put into the Reticular Activating System, I had expected to be able to do this on MY timeline. And my timeline wasn't moving ANYthing. But my RAS is there, working my visions. And now my mind gets to focus on how to make it all happen, instead of reminding me of how awful life is. 

 

Disaster-Handling

I came home after some Christmas shopping with Rebecca (daughter) and halfway down the hallway, I was suddenly squishing my way through water; little tidal waves popping up from the carpet with every step.

My first feeling was minor shock, then surprise when it finally sank in that, yes, this is really happening. It took about 3 steps to get it. That took me into the kitchen - yep, 3 rugs sopping wet and pools of water on the tile floor. OK! Now what? Curiosity had me searching the ceiling - nope, all clear there. Nothing happening with the dishwasher or refrigerator. Hmmm - must be the hot water heater. 

Aha! Warm water coming from the top of the water heater - running down the sides, extending the pond that had already invaded my bedroom and exercise room. Not good. I saw the spigot that was feeding water to the water heater. I tried to turn it off. I tried harder. It was frozen shut.

Water streaming down the water heater, increasing the breadth of damage to my floors and furniture - and I couldn't stop it. I could do nothing to stop it. 

I felt sudden helplessness ... helplessness magnified by memories of the past when I could do nothing to stop a situation, make it go away, or un-happen it. My mindtalk accused me of being useless, inept, stupid, worthless, a loser, deserving disaster. Fortunately I called Rebecca and Troy (son-in-law) who talked me down from the panic. Her calmness and his practicality helped me get sorted.

I'm still in the middle of 3 days with five industrial floor fans and two dehumidifiers droning away; my
carpet is ripped up; baseboards have been removed and holes drilled to drain water; my refrigerator is in the middle of my kitchen; bookcases, books, objets d'art, and furniture are strewn around my house. But I have a new water heater - and even more respect for the power of the mind to quickly find the source of a problem on the one hand, and on the other to use the past to blow a problem all out of proportion.

PS  About a week ago, I wondered specifically about my water heater - how old was it anyway? As it turns out, it was 22 years old, which is rather aged for a water heater. It never pays to ignore my sixth sense.

 

 

Making It Happen - Spain Nov 2011

Experientially, I know the power of intention, of manifesting personally important dreams. I have done it myself, and I’ve witnessed others who have created their dreams - many times. AND, to see an important dream realized is still magical - wondrous, exciting, fulfilling - a reverential experience.

I’ve been reminded of what that miracle is all about - once again - talking to Marisa Hidalgo in her
apartment Monday afternoon, hearing her passion about her vision; late that night, walking the streets of Madrid with Felipe Gomez, who was beginning to allow the awe for the success of the weekend, and his part in it, into his body; sharing coffee Tuesday morning with Antonio Garcia, hearing his excitement about his team that was so successful - extraordinarily connecting and impeccably productive.

Yes - altogether one incredible weekend. One person holding a vision so high that it is like a torch, attracting like-visions, until all the visions blend together becoming brighter, more visible and more compelling. Germann Nicholas, Felipe Gomez, Marisa Hidalgo - then Alejandro, then from all over Spain - Tina, Antonio, Rosa, Tamara, Marta, Alexandra, Carlos, Pere, Juan. Then people from other countries heard about it - Michael (Greece/Germany), Susan and Antoinette (UK). We saw the flame, it was irresistable, so we went.

As of this last weekend, now a whole new group of leaders, movers/shakers, peers of the first May 2011 course now know what so many of us know. Next course - May 2012 - another miracle in the wings.

And it’s the beginning of a much bigger, more impactful dream - changing the world.

PS The picture captures the "feel" of the weekend. It is of Antonio Garcia, training supervisor of the weekend, visionary extraordinaire. Thank you, Pere, for your photographs. The technical skills to enlarge this photo are beyond me.

 

 

Paella - the TRUE Paella

Especially for Deedee Mitchell and Charles Price and Victor (Taste of Oregon): 

Yesterday, Felipe Gomez Ferrandiz drove us out of the city on a cold, softly rainy afternoon to the Spanish countryside ... to El Palmar (The Oasis), which is in the middle of vast rice fields. The purpose was to experience True Paella (pa A ya). It was ordered in advance, as it takes at least 2 hours to prepare. This restaurant, L’Establiment, known for its quality of food, is reputed to be The Place for traditional paella - a specialty of Valencia. Even Valencians come here to enjoy it.

The base of True Paella is a specific variety of rice (bomba), which comes from the surrounding fields that, when cooked, is about the size of a sesame seed, very small compared to rice I’m used to eating at home. It is served in a large round iron skillet and meant to be eaten straight from the skillet, scraping the bottom for the crusty bits (soccarat), mixing it with the uncrunchy bits - especially tasty. 

Traditional paella is cooked with rabbit (1 or 2 large chunks/person), chicken (same proportion), about half a dozen snails per person, broad beans (garrofo), and a local version of runner beans (judia tavella). Mix in rosemary and saffron. Bomba rice is especially absorbent and soaks up the flavor of the meat and veggies, and according to Felipe, leaves the meat rather tasteless. (I took Felipe’s word about that part. Rabbit??? Snails, no garlic?) 

What I can tell you is that paella made with this kind of rice and this mix of flavors is really, totally a gastronomic, tastebud delight. YUMMMMMMM.

PS  L'Establiment is right on a water channel that flows into the rice fields, as well as into La Albufera, a huge lake. Very scenic, cozy (fireplace) - a perfect place to be on a rainy winter day. Life is good.

 

 

Hopium

Hopium (hope-ee-um) - a new word I learned during a casual conversation with Tina Marie Jones.  As soon as she said it, I knew exACTly what she meant. I've experienced that drug personally and professionally. I just had never named it as such.

Addiction to hopium can happen to anyone - lovers, friends, parents, business people, sports people, professionals and wanna-be's in every arena. 

Hopium - a mental drug that dulls down everything I don't want to see and brightens up the least little detail that affirms what I DO want to see; and if there are no clues, I make it up to suit my best-case scenario. Symptoms: asking friends what They think; harboring secret doubts, but not telling anyone; defending myself/others to everyone else; exaggerating positive traits, excusing bad behavior, etc.

Example - I knew in my heart of hearts that this man was Mr. Right Now, and not Mr. Right (for me). BUT, he was so much of what I wanted in a relationship, and I was ready for The Relationship. My Reticular Activating System was true to my visualization and kicked to the curb all data that contradicted my fantasy. 

When hopium wears off and can no longer repel the relentless invasion of reality, there is usually a crash into utter despair, complete with accusations of being a fool, stupid, naive, etc. Then the usual fatal predictions of never having what I really want; and now I can't even have second best, etc.

Hopium - the drug of choice for millions of people (and millions of times!) 

(The cure - being awake and telling the truth, which can be painful in the short term, but ultimately relieving, empowering, and faithful.) 

 

Asking for What You Want

Many years ago, my friend and mentor, Ann Barnett (a world-class psychotherapist) told me that she was going dancing that night, and that she had already programmed her perfect dance partner. He was going to be tall and debonair, a fantastic dancer who loved dancing with her - and would do so all night. She was really excited about the evening.

That was the information that went into her Reticular Activating System. And, as is common, her RAS produced the dancing partner she requested. When I was inquiring the next day if the dance partner she sought actually showed up, she assured me that he certainly had.

The man was tall and debonair, a fantastic dancer who loved dancing with her --- all night. The one little request she forgot to program was regarding age. The debonair man was 80 years old - spry, and 80.

It's helpful to be really specific about what you want.