Oftentimes, I give 'homework' to coachees/clients that is designed to strengthen neural connections, thereby embedding new behavior. It takes practice and repetition. In psychotherapeutic circles, six weeks of concerted effort is considered the length of time it takes to break the back of a habit. In religious circles, forty days is a recurring theme for effecting change. Six weeks, forty days - it makes sense to me.
Here is a tip for consciously re-wiring neural pathways:
Every day for 40 days, write in a journal:
1. After reviewing your day, write down at least one time when you behaved in accordance with your best self, in alignment with your essence or your own heart ... eg, you said exactly what you meant, without apology or excuse; you kept your word; you acted as if you mattered in the world, etc. After recording that moment, put your journal down, enrich the moment with your senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell) and feel the feelings you might have skipped over at the time... allowing your feelings to build as you breathe in, and letting go of everything but that moment as you breathe out. Keep breathing, feeling your feelings.
2. Remember something that happened where you caved in, sold out, puffed up, or otherwise exhibited the behavior you want to change. Then imagine that same moment, and instead of behaving reactively, picture yourself behaving in accordance with your best self, in alignment with your heart. Write this new scenario in your journal, enriching the scene with your senses – seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, etc., allowing your feelings to build as you breathe in, letting go of everything except your feelings and new behavior as you breathe out. Keep breathing, feeling your feelings.
3. While still feeling those feelings, get a mirror and make eye contact with yourself – really being With Your Self – breathing and feeling, breathing and feeling.
The purpose of step 1 is to credit yourself with those times when you do behave response-ably, cementing in the truth, the whole truth about yourself. Feeling your feelings (or if that’s foreign to you – acknowledging yourself for your wins) – deepening the connection of the neural pathways that are embedded in Truth.
The purpose of step 2 is to transform those moments when you get reactive, to be more creative about alternate behaviors, and to strengthen those neural pathways (the ones embedded in Truth).
The purpose of step 3 is to deepen the spiritual connection to yourself via the eyes, as the windows of the soul.
If something has been gnawing at you that you want to change, commit - truly commit to this exercise for 40 days, then let me know about your life!
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While still feeling those feelings, get a mirror and make eye contact with yourself – really being With Your Self – breathing and feeling, breathing and feeling.
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