Ann McMaster - Life as It Is

Generosity of Spirit - Heide and Michael Block

Lily and I had an invitation to stay at the home of Heide and Michael Block during our time in Johannesburg. In fact, Lily stayed there even when I went down to Cape Town. I knew Heide from her reputation amongst the students of the More To Life program in Johannesburg, from her participation on teams, and more fully, during her involvement in the MTL Coaching courses (she's an excellent coach!). Her brother Michael, I knew nothing about - didn't even know she had a brother.

As a friend of mine once said, "You always land with your butt in the butter." This time was no exception - and this butter was organic, herbed butter - delicious. Their home is generous in space, esthetically gracious, and welcoming of others - both small and large groups. Lily and I had our own bedrooms, bathrooms en suite. To top it off, it turns out that Michael is a chef with his own catering business - the food we gorged on - mmmmwah (read: divine - especially his sushi cake and special sauce - out of this world; oh, and his tiramisu; oh, and his yogurt chocolate cake; oh, and his oreo-cookie home-made ice-cream ... you get the pic!).

Best of all was the easy camaraderie between the four us (Lily, Heide, Michael, me), as well as with their staff of 4 - Ishmael, Agnes, Rosie and Lot. Heide and Michael were always busy, as were each of their staff members. Yet they always had time to help us sort out electronic issues (Michael), rides to places (Heide, Franki Baker, Wendy Hendler, Ray Perkel), directions to their home, questions about a myriad of subjects, working in their commercial kitchen (which was also under reconstruction and typically very busy) ... and on it went.

Their generosity of spirit was endless. I feel humbled by the extent to which they made themselves  available to us in the midst of their normal, full lives. I feel a much deeper connection with Heide as she generously shared her dreams and hopes - trusting herself with me. With Michael, it was as if I had known him my whole life. I felt protected, cared for and upheld by him - plus we discovered we have the same sense of humor. As I said - organic, herbed butter - and lots of it!

And here I am, benefitting from their generosity of spirit .....

All pictures are compliments of Lily Parish - photographer extraordinaire. You can click on any of them to make them bigger.

South Africa

When I lived in Johannesburg, I was about 20 miles from Sterkfontein, which anthropologists proclaim as the birthplace of humankind. Indeed, diversity seems to be the order of the day for that whole area, whether it is the numerous species of flora or of fauna. What was amazing to me, especially on the first morning of my first time in Africa (1990), was the number of different kinds of birds, as well as the number of birds, period. It seems to be some kind of a bird capital.

It also seems to me that each trip to Africa changes me in some way. Even though this trip was particularly busy, there were also moments of quiet, where I could get in touch with that barely indiscernable drum/heart beat that is the soul of Africa. I can't quite hear it with my ears, but something in my body picks it up and dances to that primal pulsation, and I know I belong.

This time was no exception. I let go of more ideas of how "it ALL should be" - which certainly makes it easier to be alive to "how it is" - which interestingly enough, makes it easier to be in my skin. I'm not trying to make something that 'isn't' into something that 'is.' Which allows me to relax, be more aware of exactly what 'is" and to address it. 

At one point in the More To Life Weekend in Johannesburg, I remember we were 1.5 hours behind the stated times in the manual. In the past, I would have fretted about how to catch up. This time I just knew we were on target with the training (not the manual about the training) and that it would all work out the way this training was supposed to work out ... and it did ... without cutting anything out. I wasn't in the least fussed about it, and I couldn't tell you exactly how it happened, but it did ... easily. 

And that was just one of many examples of the dichotomy of being laid-back on the one hand, and alive to the possibilities on the other - capitalizing on the diversity the world actually presents vs the powerlessness of trying to force my mental homogeneity on the world.

Sapi and Me

I heard from a friend of mine about his interaction with an elephant, so I decided to see if I could connect with Sapi. Here's the picture - he's the dominant bull elephant of this particular herd, which means he's the strongest. At about 10 to 11 feet tall and about 6 tons in weight, Sapi is H U G E. In comparison, I'm diminutive - not how I usually view myself at 5'7".

During the post-safari feeding, the elephants are stationed behind a rock-faced terrace which is about 3' lower than the one we stand on. So that 3', plus my 5-1/2', while not eye-to-eye, was much more level than had we both been standing on the same elevation.

I did some conscious breathing and made eye contact ... "I" contact ... with a member of the largest land mammals in  the world. And then I forgot that. I forgot everything. I was present As a sentient being - With a sentient being. There was nothing else. No thoughts. Just Being empathic with each other.

I have rarely been beheld like that - not just seen ...  but beheld (like is taught in Behold The Spirit - a More To Life focus course). A part of my mind wants to regard that event as an invasion of privacy - even if it was both ways. Most of my mind regards it as a deeply sacred moment.

For whatever space of time that experience took, I will never forget it.

(You can double click on the pics to enlarge them.)

Elephant-back Safari

The set up was perfect! Lily Parish, Isabel Vidal, Justine Hunt and I were the only ones to show up for this particular safari - mostly because it was 8 am on a Very Cold Monday morning - just outside Sun City, north of Johannesburg, South Africa. (that's Lily to the left)

All of them, except me, had picked out their elephant from the day before. So I got the one nobody picked - the dominant bull elephant - go figure! Sapi (my elephant and father to Tidimalo - 4 months old and Very Cute - as you can see on the right) did indeed have a mind of his own, veering off the trail to rip a good-sized tree out by the roots for his chewing pleasure. It was an acacia tree - full of very sturdy thorns. Yep, it was a reminder of just how powerful he is. And what struck me is how gentle he is as well.

At the end of the game ride (we saw rhino, giraffes, impala, springbok, kudu and warthogs), we got to interact personally with the elephants by feeding them. You can do it one of two ways - pour the special pellets into the end of their trunks or put the pellets into their mouths. Hmmmmm, riding on their backs is one thing (which makes you walk funny for a bit afterwards), but putting your hand up to mid-arm into their mouths - that's another story. (That's Justine on the left, showing us how it's done.) I have rarely felt anything that is as soft as an elephant's tongue - even a dominate bull's. Bristly chin hairs, an inch thick hide, and a very soft tongue to even it all out. Yet another set of life's many contrasts.

PS You can click on any of the pics, and they will enlarge.

Lily Parish

I am here in South Africa with Lily Parish. A dream which became conscious a year ago, when she and I were kibitzing about her senior year - what her senior project might be. Somehow, the subject of South Africa came up, and she wistfully mentioned how much she had enjoyed her trip to South Africa with her mother (Sharon), when she was 12.

We hatched a possible plan - for her to come with me in August, 2009 - which is now. This trip has been a year in the making. Her senior project is morphing as we speak.

What amazes me is how she can take a plan, flow with events and opportunities as they arise and fall away, and still maintain her central theme - a lot like her mother - and her father.

Lily is now 17, 5'10" tall, and a graceful young woman. Since we sat in coach class, her knees were jammed up against the seat in front of her. So she is now dubbed "L-Cubed" ... for Lily Long Legs!

My oh my, how she has grown up - literally and figuratively!

Rules and Belonging

This is personally important to me because of my confusion growing up - there were only rules. Rules mostly dictated by my father, culture, gender, etc. Obeying the rules granted the illusion of belonging, while I chafed under rules that either didn't apply to me, or seemed arbitrary, or out of alignment with the best in me.

I often rebelled covertly, so as not to incur the feared backlash that would be generated by obvious rebellion - being cast out. For instance, there was a general rule that forbade us to go down to the Bayou. No reasons were given (or none that made sense to me at the time). Of course, I went down there on my bike with other kindred spirits, and we saw nothing dangerous - in fact, it was a lot of fun, exciting and wild - lots to explore. We did have someone shoot a shotgun at us once, but that was the only time anything happened that could remotely be considered dangerous. And we went there a lot - before and after the shotgun incident.

I satisfied my innate curiosity, but I couldn't share my excitement with my parents about the shotgun or any of our adventures. My deceit resulted in pulling back (so as not to accidentally spill the beans); ergo, I separated myself from the family and reinforced an old belief about not belonging.

I didn't know how to language it at the time, but my dilemma was to either obey the rules (the senseless ones) in order to be accepted - and suffer the loss of my self-determination ... or ... disobey the rules (the senseless ones) in order to find my own way (experience my adventurous spirit) - and suffer the loss of my integrity.

What I have learned/am learning is how to address those senseless rules with integrity - straight-up, instead of covert ... a challenge worthy of a spiritual warrior.

Rules vs Disciplines vs Guidelines

Felicity Campbell, one of our New Zealand More To Life Coaches, and I were working out the difference between rules, disciplines, agreements, and guidelines as commonly used in the More to Life program.

What we came up with is:

1. Rules are imposed, we have no say in them - like the rule of being home by a certain time.

2. Disciplines are self-imposed, usually designed to refine myself in some way - I promise myself to do some things and not do other things.

3. Agreements are between two people or a person and an institution - like marriage vows.

4. Guidelines point the general way of behaving or being, acknowledging that there are exceptions - like guidelines for writers.

PS  The bottom line about rules, which everyone seems to know, is that they are made to be broken (and all the other issues with rules, as previously posted).

Disciplines and agreements have a different valence. If kept, something in me is refined. If broken and then processed (i.e., the truth is told), they offer up invaluable learning - an opportunity to reclaim an unforgiven part of myself. And in that process, I am honed.

Guidelines I love - they give me room to trust myself and require a level of mature discernment.