Ann McMaster - Life as It Is

India - Mumbai - First Impressions

It took about an hour and a half to get from the airport to our hotel – and another several hours to let the foreign images settle into a new, more encompassing view of the world. It has been an eye-opener to see how naturally Mumbai embraces extreme polarities.

It is the largest city in the world - 19 million people living in one spot on the globe, on the shore of the Arabian Sea, tropical climate. The city generates 7,800 metric tons of refuse daily, which accumulates against buildings, on the roads, seemingly everywhere. There is a constant stream of slums. Smog makes the air visible, even out on the ocean. 95% of all buildings have a black plague of mold/mildew/pollution creeping over the walls and around windows and doorways. And then there is the 105-year-old Taj Mahal Palace Hotel - pristine, spacious, old-world elegance, host to royalty and the glitterati from around the world.

Another polarity - muslim women wearing their black abayas, voluminous cloaks covering their entire body (which seem both mysterious and slightly sinister to me), as contrasted with other Indian women wearing vibrant color-saturated saris, brightening up the world. Yet another contradiction are the eyes - intense, close-to-hostile, penetrating dark eyes, inured to hardship ... and then there are the eyes that are warm, full of quiet humor, and shared camaraderie, from beggar to gracious host alike.

Our taxi driver from the airport spoke little English, beady-eyed, curt, offering no connection, then I asked about this 3"x5" prayer rug, with what I assumed to be sacred writing in gold on it, hanging from his rear-view mirror. He immediately melted into his love for his guru. The transformation was instant and real.

And so, here am I, wondering about my ability to hold the polarities in my own life. I am chronologically considered 'old,' and yet I feel full of life. I love being a hermit in my home, and yet I travel extensively, enjoying the exploration of new places/people/experiences. I am single, and yet I have deep, profound connections with significant others that have lasted over time. Like Mumbai, I seem able to thrive in my own mass of contradictions.

How about you?

Thanksgiving Day 2009

Setting - In transit from Houston, TX to Mumbai (formerly Bombay), India - during a 12-hour layover in London's Heathrow Airport.

 Players - Bill Boothe: BFF (best friends forever) for over 30 years, architect/land planner extraordinaire, instigator of this India trip, currently living in Phoenix, AZ, USA; Simon Allen:  partner in Lumina Consulting, who I met on a consulting project in London over a year ago, one of those instantaneous, mutual admiration connections, currently living near Gloucestershire, UK; and me.

Background - In an email exchange with Simon, I happened to mention this trip (as I have to most everyone ad nauseum) and the layover in London. And we began talking about setting up a time for the 3 of us to hang out at the airport.

Purpose - Since both of these men are dedicated futurists with lots of experience, and since the juxtaposition of time and opportunity was so fortuitous, I wanted to be a part of any project the two of them might cook up.

Outcome - Four hours went by really quickly. I enjoyed the camaraderie immensely and was especially excited about our discussion of intentional communities - a passion of mine for a long time. The sense of it is that this meeting was preparation for what's next. Ah, yes, I got what I wanted.

Bonus - An unexpected, large dollop of gratitude. On top of this being Thanksgiving Day and being grateful to be alive, grateful for the quality of my life, grateful for the quality of the people - the Many people in my life - especially family and friends; I am also grateful for the serendipitous, mysterious, remarkable meetings of minds/hearts that occur so often in life. Thank you Life/God/The Force/Universal Light - thank you for it ALL.

John Coats' Book - Original Sinners - Now Available!

Many of you remember John Coats, one of the original Senior Trainers alongside Brad Brown and Roy Whitten in the early days. For those of you who have never had the good fortune to hang out with John, he is a Texan, started his professional life as an Episcopal priest, then became a Senior Trainer for the More To Life program, and retired from that to begin his third career - writing. 

John is like a brother to me - he felt like 'family' from day one. So I've known him since 1982, when he introduced me to the More To Life program. For that alone, I will treasure our connection. But there's More! He understands people as well as the context within which they live and function. And the quality I most love and appreciate about John is his unsuspected, irreverently funny streak - all of which is boldly displayed in his new book - Original Sinners. 

I was lucky enough to have read one of the draft editions of Original Sinners. I was amazed at the depth of John's knowledge of the Bible (which is rather boneheaded on my part!), as well as a deeper understanding of Genesis from both the biblical and human points of view. John is able to distill the messages from Genesis and to show examples from his own life that make it real for humans beings in the 21st century - it seems more relevant to my life than ever before.

And very surprisingly (though in hindsight, it shouldn't have been), there were many times while reading this book in which I laughed out loud ... it's an enjoyable, fascinating read. I recommend it highly.

PS  It's available in bookstores and Amazon.com today!

PPS If you click on Original Sinners - it'll take you to info about the book signing party here in Houston.

Wasting Time ... and Being Fallow

This is a question for me. When am I really wasting time and when am I being fallow, allowing regeneration of body and spirit?

What I've come up with is that 'wasting time' is my reactive mind's way of discounting the way I spend time. It (my reactive mind) basically demands I be productive all the time, which, as I mentioned in the previous post isn't Real Reality.

But what about watching TV? or fooling around on the computer? or reading?  is that fallow enough? or is that just another way to pretend I'm not wasting time?

My answer: it depends! My suspicion is that everyone has their own unique way of maximizing/minimizing fallow time. I used to relax by playing freecell. I would start with one game while I was waiting for a phone call. Then I would play another game after the phone call. Then it would be 4am, and I'm still playing freecell. So what started out as relaxing, ended up being tiring, not regenerative at all. (Have I already mentioned that I have an addictive personality?)

BTW, I don't play it at all these days - that addiction has been de-fanged, thanks to support from Scott Hunter in Knoxville.

Bottom line, like everything else, what starts as relaxing/fallow/regenerative can be abused to the extent that it sabotages the original intent. And what is relaxing to one person can be taxing to another.

PS  'Wasting' my time with freecell required a buildup in order for it to reach a certain level of toxicity - a tipping point - in order for me to 'get it.' So even if I do waste time, in the long run, it all works in the big picture. As always, my awakeness determines the quality of how I spend my time.

Wasting Time vs Being Productive

In a skype call with Louise Smith (London) a few days ago, she was looking ahead in her calendar and how much space was in it, and how she was planning to fill in the blanks. Having that much openness in her diary is a novel experience. Wherever there are slots of available time, she fills it. She's very productive and gets a lot accomplished. In fact, she had just taken a day off and was feeling ready to plug fully into more projects - as many projects as she could slot into her PDA.

When we looked at how she had gotten that energized, she realized that it had come from taking a day off. Her day off was preceded by co-training the More To Life Weekend, which is an intensive experience. Productive, fallow, productive, fallow. In exactly the same way that a wise farmer works his fields. When one field has produced fruitfully, it needs time to regenerate the nutrients necessary to be fertile again.

In my past (and still occasionally), I have considered time spent non-productively as a waste of my time, a waste of my life. Eventually my body would rebel and shut me down by getting sick. The sneaky part of me would be relieved. I could go fallow Without Guilt. BUT, as a proponent of good health, I couldn't in good conscience stay down very long. As soon as possible, I would get up and move on.

Mothers (and fathers, but mostly mothers) all over the world know this one. No matter how sick you are, the baby still needs to be fed ... which just drags out the healing time.

Bottom line: the world runs on systolic/diastolic, ebb/flow, winter/summer, night/day. So do we - active/fallow (till we become fertile again).

Seeing the Past in Perspective

Today I met a man from my past - a man I dated 25-plus years ago, who is doing what he was born to do, and who is now happily married. I didn't know I was going to see him today.

It was weird. I was trying to figure out what was appropriate behavior. I was bouncing back and forth from the past to the present. He looked the same, he looked different. He acted the same, he acted different. Did his wife know or not know? Would she be upset, not upset? I couldn't get a gauge on what I was feeling. Oh, yeah. I was trying to figure out what I was feeling, while focusing on him, and pretending I wasn't. 

That was much too busy. So I slowed my metronome, exhaled a few times, got back home to myself. And you know what I found? I found my Self. Once I was home in myself, I could see him more clearly. I could see that he's not who he was when we dated. Duh! Nor am I. He was essentially who I remembered, but different and unknown. I found that I was genuinely happy for him - he has found his way and his mate. It was easy to give him a hug, meet his wife, and leave feeling complete and satisfied with my own life, and with a sense of pride for both of us and how our lives have changed.

I can see how we served each other then, and how the reverberation of that relationship impacts my life today. I wouldn't be who I am, were it not for the part he played in my life. I suspect the corollary is also true. That suspicion inspires me to want to be a positive reverberation in the lives of others.

In retrospect, it is quite an awesome thought - how Much of a difference each of us makes in the present and the future of others - just by living our lives. So here we are, weaving in and out of each others' destiny, changing ourselves and each other, moving on, reconnecting, more changing, impacting, moving on, and on, and on.

I would love to see what that human 'weaving' looks like from a celestial viewpoint - I bet it would bring tears - holy tears.

Late Night Musing - 4 November 2009

I feel pleasantly weary. Tonight several things happened. I inadvertently unleashed, at least partially, the 'black panther' in me. I felt very protective of a good friend of mine; who, in reality, absolutely does not need my protection. She is a highly competent, capable, evolved person ... period.

In retrospect, I took a 'swipe' at someone I care about, who I thought was taking a 'swipe' at my friend. It was an instantaneous, knee-jerk reaction on my part. I keep thinking I have that part under control, and then I discover I don't.

Normally, I would now be taking a 'swipe' at myself ... for "losing it." That reaction just reinforces taking 'swipes' - at whoever, for whatever reason. I don't want to take 'swipes' at anyone, including myself. So I didn't 'swipe' myself ... this time.

Instead, I observed myself. On the one hand, I don't want to let go of that part of me that can defend myself and others, if necessary. On the other hand, I have never been in a situation in which my life, or the lives of others, depended on that kind of defense. In the past, good fortune and/or my intuition has guided me out of all circumstances that could have been injurious or fatal. For which I am grateful.

So I feel pleasantly weary ... self-observation taking the sting out of missing the mark, seeing myself from a more holistic vantage point. In fact, seeing all of tonight's interactions from a more holistic vantage point. I see us becoming a stronger, more connected team, as we learn more about each other - appreciating our same-nesses and valuing our differences. It's a dance in which we sometimes step on each other's toes, as we learn how to partner. There's room in me for that learning.

Liking Who I Am

Yesterday a friend was complaining about how hard her life was and how one bad thing after another kept happening. And I flashed back to some of the stories of the inmates in a medium-high security prison in which we had conducted More To Life Weekends. Many of the inmates were either abused as children or watched others being abused. It was a way of life, in which there were no other obvious role models, except for TV, which had no direct relevance to the circumstances in which most of them lived.

So what many learned was either to be the abuser or be the "abusee." In the moment of hearing my friend's hard-luck story, as well as her negative self-portrayal, I remembered some of the same kinds of devastating self-portraits painted by the inmates. Whether they were the abuser or the abused, their self concept was abusive ... profanely abusive.

In one instance, one young man in his early 30s stated, "I am a criminal." And Brad Brown, the lead trainer, asked in a soft voice, "So what do criminals do?" The inmate said, "We break the law." So we worked with which comes first - being defined as a criminal? or breaking the law? Over the weekend, the inmates slowly detached themselves from their self-directed doom. And many of the inmates finally told the truth about who they fundamentally were ... most of them claiming they were a "child of God" (religion becomes very important to a lot of inmates while they are in prison).

Then Brad asked in that same soft voice, "And does a child of God murder? deal drugs? rape? break the law?" They got it. Proclaiming myself to be a criminal dictates my choices, unconsciously. Proclaiming myself to be a child of God prescribes different choices.

The relevance to My Life is: when I like myself, I am without artifice, and I treat myself and others with respect and honor - which affirms that I am likable (to myself). And the reverse is also true: when I don't like myself, I tend to behave dishonorably to myself and to others, which in turn, confirms that I am not worth honoring. 

Telling the truth about who I am ... REALLY ... is my way Home. That limits my self indulgence and compels my way forward as a true Warrior of the Spirit.